well, the truth is, i do revel in church-going. so much so that i make it a religious endeavor to visit the house of worship. though, by religious, i mean the occasional religious occurrences like christmas, chinese new year, or when my dad performs the persistent nagging stance no. 9 (hounding on me to kneel and mutter amen under my breath with the lowest decibel) for the twelfth time which might just do me in.
to lay my cards on the table, i absolutely cannot fathom the idea of me being in a church at all. usually, before half the session is through, and that is definitely before the priest's lengthy sermon about non-secularity and come-hither judgement day, i would be cooped up somewhere else, in the toilet or back in my car perhaps. i would cook up some flimsy excuse to my folks that i need some fresh air or that there's an important incoming call i have to take, just to have a quick shut-eye, before traipsing back during the penultimate part, which is to receive the holy communion.
for the non-catholics or utter backsliders like yours truly, the holy communion is actually the pivotal part of the entire stretch, where the congregation file up like swines to the abbatoir to tongue a disk-shaped, insipid ciabatta that is figuratively the body of the christ.
it always make me wonder and want to probe the priest under his draping robe. why can't the processed flour be more palatable? fabricate a blueberry flavor maybe or make it minty possibly? and while we're on it, why not make it chewy and latex-y as well, just like chewing gum? this is definitely a two-pronged boon for us communion consumers. whilst it absolves our sins and redeems our soul, it also, in the process, protects our gums (the idiosyncrasy of chewing gum is that it does protect our gums) and we could also snap along to the oh-so-quaint bible psalms.
bah, since this post is already verging on blasphemy, allow me to rant a little further. i know i have an insatiable appetite for luxury, but if the churches have already air-conditioned the locale and re-upholstered the pews with fully padded knee rests, why stop there? why not make the seats a little more comfy as well? that way, i won't have to constantly brainstorm lame excuses just to retreat to my car. i recalled there was once when i saw an elderly man hunched over and kneeling down for the longest time i thought he would never get up ever again, until i heard the rhythmic fulmination of snores emitting from him.
on that account, do us a favour, head honcho of churches. get us simmons or posturepedic wadded pews. this way, at least we wouldn't suffer from cramps sleeping whilst genuflecting. amen!
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35 comments:
haha, very entertaining read. your best entry so far!
glad you enjoyed it. was afraid that there was gonna be flak from some readers. maybe later, we'll never know.
Ask not what others can do for u. But what u can do for others.
U dont even go to church regularly. so why complain about this and that ?
If going to church is not your thing. leave it. do not mock the church .
wow! that's a really funny read. hey if you don't like your current church, go look for another one. There a lot of choices in Singapore. There are lotsa churches that quite exciting, with pretty of singing, plays by youngsters and sermons with modern context every week. There are even short sessions which are designed to suit busy people like you.
This is your eternal salvation we are talking about here, so go out and do some church shopping and find one that you are comfortable with. What you need, God provides.
super hilarious sia, you got talent in this area man!
speechless =S
(anonymous1) i wasn't really complaining or making a mockery about the church. i was making some constructive criticisms that i would like to see improved. the church is not all that perfect, otherwise the ministers of four churches in singapore wouldn't be under the scrutiny now.
(ck) i have tried going to the church run by famed minister reverend k, whose wife used to be quite the popular singer in asia, and i quite enjoyed the session. however, after they've moved to jurong, it was a tad too far for me.
and the part about the tongue speaking was quite a nerve-wrecking experience for me.
(anonymous2) thanks, i try to make it light and entertaining, but these are truly my heartfelt opinions.
(rex) why speechless??
=D
Maybe it's purposely made less palatable? I mean why should the body of the christ be tasty? LOL.
Prolly true that knee rests can be implemented... But I guess it is part of the traditional way of praying? To test one's perseverance and sincerity? And isn't it that it's after suffering hardships then can we taste the fruits of labour?
Hmm... I don't know... I'm not a church goer anyway. Just my wild guesses. =]
(rex) am confused to your reactions in this post. 0_o
(763092) the knee rests are already implemented. i was referring to the rest of the pews, like the seating area. maybe they might retro-fit it in time soon.
just trying to act random. nothing much. lol
Look and you will find, ask and you will be given :-)
Merry Christmas!
Respect others if you want others to do the same.
If you wrote this for entertainment or for the mere purpose of giving "criticisms" to the Holy Church, then you are heading towards the wrong direction. I pity you for your "criticisms", as it clearly appears that you are not familiar with the liturgy, perhaps the sacraments, or even your faith. If you feel that the religion is not working for you, then leave.
Please watch your words -- the church is not a slaughterhouse. Mocking the parishioners as swining to the "abbatoir" during communion is just way too offensive.
The mass is about sacrifice, hence the label "The Holy Sacrifice of the Mass". My God, you weren't even required to pay a single cent and here you are, complaining?! Coming to church is your choice. Your dad may give you endless nagging, but in the end, the choice is yours to make.
YOU DON'T GO TO THE CHURCH FOR SPA TREATMENT. If you want to eat blueberry, then go buy at the market. If you do not want to go to mass, then do NOT go -- respect those who pray, and spare the Holy Church with your nonsense mumblings.
Just so you know, you are lucky to experience air-con and padded pews. In fact, the churches in Singapore are already one of the most comfortable in Roman Catholic history. If you go to other catholic nations, churches do not even have roofs and chairs! Be thankful for what you have. After all, the mass has never been about the physical CHURCH, but it's all about people praying as a community.
I pity you for even thinking of writing this entry. I have never read of a mockery like this before. Try asking your Dad to read it, I doubt it if he would just only give you a nag.
I wonder why others find this post hilarious or entertaining. Would you be happy if someone mocks your beliefs, or spirituality?
dun go to church if u dont want lah
Hello, I heard about this post through a friend. Initially I thought this post wasn't as bad as my angry friend have explained it. Apparently friends have passed your URL through notes in Facebook, considering this entry of yours very offensive.
I am actively involved in children faith formation in AMK. A very important element of this formation is gaining familiarity with the Eucharist. At this point I have to say this entry is really bad. I'm not angry, but I am rather disappointed in you. Say, you have been a catholic for all your life, you should have at least made an effort to know more about the sacraments and the Eucharist. Granting your faith formators weren't successful in bringing the ideal Christian in you, at least a small amount of effort should have come from your part.
We are all entitled to our own opinions. Criticisms are supposed to be constructive if they are said in a constructive manner. Yours are like a pool of offensive words, ergo making them unconstructive. You should be more sensitive and responsible next time in dealing with these sensitive theological beliefs.
**Bro Chris**
This is blasphemous. Mocking the church and its people is like mocking God.
You must be aware that blasphemy is even punishable by civil law in some countries. Be extra careful with your writings.
I sent a copy of this post to our parish priest
hem.. sound become serious now...
anyway~ merry x'mas =)
Really serious that the author overlooked the implications of his writings.
Anyway, no need to argue.
Merry CHRISTmas :)
Felix
I was wondering how come the comments for this entry was surprising quiet, given its content. Looks like the barrage of criticisms has finally started. I hope that Desmond is ready for the potential damage that this might cause to your business and the distress that might be inflicted on you and your family. Religion can be a frightening thing, especially if when Man are quick to judge, eager to condemn, all acting in the name of God.
I think it is good for people to leave their comments here to express their displeasure, criticisms or suggestions where Desmond can see and respond to them. But I would also think that it will be more helpful to engage him in discussion, forgive and embrace. Reach out and help him not condemn and reject. Most importantly, if you have something bad to say, say it here and don't cowardly spread things behind people's back.
To Desmond: Like singapoor says, if you don't like to go to your current church, then don't go. But don't give up God. Look for other churches where you are comfortable with. Finally, if you are not ready to deal with all these, please delete this post. I have seen these kind of mass condemnation all too many times, none of which ends with anything meaningful.
I believe that we should always try to forgive and embrace someone than only criticisms or punish him/her. I believe most of the religions, they do encourage to love, to forgive and to sacrifice but not only to punish.
For sure, what Desmond posted does make some people feel uncomfortable because it is about religion and respect others. However, I do believe his doesn’t have any bad intention when he wrote this post.
He was trying to write this post in kind of humorous way and giving some comments. Like what he said, he hopes there is going to have some improvements. Unfortunately, this topic is too serious since it is something about religion and people’s belief. That’s why it cased all the criticisms.
To Desmond: I do agree with CK, it is a good to delete this post because it is going to cause some unexpected/unnecessary troubles for you and others. Also, to respect what others belief, it is nice if you can delete it.
To Others: This post may make you feel uncomfortable or even feel frustrated. However, to punish Desmond is not going to help any of us and make us happy. Why not we try to love, embrace and forgive Desmond? It is more meaningful to help him to understand and accept the mass than punish him right?
Today is Christmas, the season of sharing and helping. Wish every of you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
~no name~
cookiedough, where to het nice caps like those on your posts?? :)
I am disappointed in your comments.
You have the right to 'air' your thoughts and feelings, but you also have to be sensitive to other's feelings in your choice of words.
Especially more so when you are 'penning' on the topic 'religion'.
Singapore is a multi-racial country and we value the respect we have in each other's race and religion.
There is nothing 'humourous' in your view of the church's practice.
From your photos, you don't look like a fool to me, but your choice of words used, speak volumes of your cognitive developments.
Hence the saying, "All beauty but no brains" / "All muscles but no brains" ????
You said "i wasn't really complaining or making a mockery about the church. i was making some constructive criticisms that i would like to see improved"....
take a good look at your choice of words used in your blog - especially the words 'wasn't really'---> in another word, it means yes, you are complaining and making a mockery about the church, in a certain degree, if not 100%.
(As for the rest, I shall not quote as it is too lengthy. You know what you've wrote).
They are not constructive at all.
They are insults and mockeries.
They are words used to ridicule the church, its practice and believes.
Worst of all, the belivers.
In the first place, do you have any idea on what is 'constructive' and what is 'destructive'??
What is 'positive' and 'negative' comments??
If you don't, then please, refrain from saying that you are only trying to be 'constructive'.
Hoping that the church will 'improve' just to satisfy your "insatiable appetite for luxury".
I'm sure God will forgive you for your lack of faith and shallow thinking.
But bear in mind, do not mock the Holy Spirit.
If you don't believe in Christ, then leave.
Just don't make a joke of out it.
the common theme of the criticism here seems to be asking someone to leave Christ.
If he love Christ,
such 'comments' would not have come out (from him) in the first place.
If he has doubts about his faith, he should approach someone to give him the correct guidence and not sprouting insulting 'constructive' comments here.
This blog of his only serves to show that he has neither love nor respect for Christ.
Since this being the case, he should go forth to search for 'something' that suits him.
Judging from his comments about his dad, I would presume that he is a 'cradle Catholic'. It is very appalling to see such atrocious and insensitive comments from a young Singaporean.
I might have trounced on some staunch individuals' toes by writing such a post but I would like to reiterate that this isn't a mockery of the church, but an echo of my thoughts, written from my perception. I have no intention whatsoever to speak ill of the church, if that was what the percpetion might be. Be it as it may such, unfortunately, I have transformed some readers into haters, like singapoor.
Serving as a minder, I'll be cautious to refrain from using such as "swines to the abbatoir"-esque descriptions when writing about the church and the likes of it.
Oh wow... quite a bit of controversy here, isnit it... hahahaha
So wish to invite you to attend church with me... i actually goes where your fren Russ attends.... oh gosh... am imagining that day....
Love,
C.A.D
Well, i went thru the same thing b4, i know how you feel.... but still, I will watch my fingers... hahahahah... nonetheless, still CRAZY about you...
If you didn't speak ill of the church, please enlighten me on what you just did by describing the people as pigs and disrespecting the sanctity of the church and the Eucharist. If you feel that you are entitled to this "perception" (as you have said it) then you are indeed in big trouble. Yes, you have the right to say whatever you have in mind, but you will never have the right to disrespect others.
Wake up Des -- this is mockery. We write about things we perceive, but using offensive language to complement it makes it a mockery.
The Church didn't do anything bad against you, so at the very least, you should give the respect and dignity it deserves in return, even though you may have qualms about it.
If you feel that you are having problems with your faith, then seek help. Without humility, you cannot move on. If you feel that this isn't working for you, then continue to look for answers to your questions. If in the process you hurt others, seek forgiveness.
We don't condemn you for writing this, but we'd be hypocrites if we tell you that we weren't disappointed. You're saying these things because your faith is not strong. You wouldn't dare to write something against your beliefs, would you?
The damage has been done, and we can't do anything about it anymore. Do some damage control instead -- please delete this.
Allow the guy some breathing space ... he is after all ranting his mind without any offense to humans.
I find that we can be so petty after listening to someone's opinion. Ask ourselves if we have done it better than him.
you hurt a good deal people with this entry, especially those who care about you.
time to take a good look at your hedonistic lifestyle and self-absorbed ways.
and don't leave your ego unchecked, it borders on being disgusting.
"was afraid that there was gonna be flak from some readers..."
You are what you write.
I am very certain that you knew that you were dealing with a sensitive issue. You WERE afraid that your entry might spark criticisms. But you still carried on -- to give us a "light" and "entertaining" read. With these under consideration, you weren't merely airing your thoughts. You were making a joke out of a very sensitive issue.
Were you merely "entertaining" or "airing" your thoughts when you said
"the holy communion is actually the pivotal part of the entire stretch, where the congregation file up like swines to the abbatoir to tongue a disk-shaped..."
on the Ostia bread: "fabricate a blueberry flavor maybe or make it minty possibly? and while we're on it, why not make it chewy and latex-y as well, just like chewing gum?"
If you think these aren't offensive, please see a psychiatrist.
Any topic about racial or religion is sensitive and serious. That’s why in Singapore, we have been encouraged not to have any negative opinion and talk about it in the public. We try not to upset others. Obviously, this post does hurt and upset some of you.
I believe most of you know one of the most well-known lessons of the Bible: "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone."
Jesus Christ was the only person there that day who was free of sin, the only one who had the right to "cast the first stone." He didn't stone the woman (or her accusers), but instead forgave her and told her to "sin no more."
The message from this lesson is we shall forgive instead of criticized. Can we do the same?
I am not trying to find an excuse for Des but I believe we shall forgive instead of "cast the stone."
P.S: I would like to highlight, I don’t meant to compare any of you and myself with Jesus Christ when I used the above lesson from Bible and I also don’t meant you can’t cast the first stone. I respect others religion and faith.
To explain is because I don’t wish to know my comment does make the whole situation becomes more complicated and messy.
~no name~
Please allow me to point to
"Therefore I say to you, any sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven men, but blasphemy against the Spirit shall not be forgiven" (Matt 12:31)
It's up to you to interpret this.
To AC,
This insolent juvenile does not deserves any breathing space as long as he stubbornly refuse to remove this blog entry.
By doing that, he IS inviting troubles. Thus, he ASKED for it.
To Anonymous ~ no name ~
No one is perfect except God. I am not sinless, but that does not mean I have to sit by and keep quiet when someone is making a mockery of my religion. All the comments posted here, are people's right to 'air' their thoughts in their perceptions, constructively.
Like I've said, I am sure God will forgive him. I merely cautioned him not to mock the Holy Spirit, for it will not be forgiven.
This, I believed someone had pointed it out.
To Des,
The more you try to defend yourself, by claiming "this isn't a mockery of the church, but an echo of my thoughts, written from my perception"....the deeper you are at digging at your own grave.
It is either you are waiting for more 'flak' or you are waiting for the civil law to catch up with you.
For once, swallow your immature and disgusting ego, and delete this blog entry before it causes anymore damage.
Especially to your parents
(I really pity them, esp your mom).
But on the other hand, if you insist on keeping this entry for all its "glory", then at least keep it "private".
Gosh.... Des dear... i m worried with all these comments ... do the right thing!!!
Your No. 1 Fan,
C.A.D
hem... 写者无意看者有心啊~~~
I know it's a bit weird if I drop so "unique" comments here.
but I think this is the only sentence which can express everything... =)
Rex
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